Islington. Farmer’s
Market. Travelling fairtrade
organic cocaine

Glastonbury mud
Drugs booze festival spirit
Blands Kate Moss facebook

Dinner party friends
Authentic Vietnamese
Chopsticks culture wine

Functioning for cash
Is no way to ensure you
Will ever matter

But big ching buy you
Smashing tits and iPod to
play Keane’s greatest hits

Warehouse location
Postmodern ironic kitsch
Cunt with facial hair

Disguising raging
whorefest of brain and body
By wearing Converse

Capitalism
keeps you working for bags
Priced like winter coats

Consumerism
Kills communism. Loves Che
Guevara t-shirts

Soul crushed. Brain melt in
.gif. End of everything.
Bongos weed chillax.

To be in work for
cash hungry ad men in jeans
Make small death likely

(Profiteering for
blue blood new media shits
fulfilling self harm)

German not know if
he is hunk or super geek
Girls wish he was Tom

Suburban orgy
Cosmopolitan swinging
BabeStation phone sex

E equals Mimi
Carey squared Boob ass diva:
All relative m8

Britain’s Got Talent
Saturday Night Takeaway
Haha gud 1 lol

Ninety-nine percent
of the general public
Suffer retardation

Deify beauty
Survival of the thickest
Tsunami model

Statement anarchy
Aim subversion politics
End shitting Banksy

Minimalist white
desks aren’t suited to dropping
Vietcong noodles

But style mag
conscious playlists and slogan
t-shirts are SO cool

Guestlist, fuckface, cock
munching penis holder blag
shit weasel spunktard

You’ve got the looks I’ve
got the brain let’s make lots of
classic synth pop

Genius of our
Time? Object of ridicule?
Morrissey loves blacks

When the machines take
over please kill the stupid
And the inane first

Angry young Muslim
In sprawling metropolis
Gym kit rucksack bomb

French electro geek
Detroit techno boggle face
Shoegaze indie fringe

Robot Cyborg bleep
Y2k android machines
Daft Punk club bangers

If art will save us
From life’s degrading horrors
Keep New Order looped

Nosheen Iqbal is a Contributing Editor on Guardian Culture. These 30 haikus were first published here.